Mowing, Mourning, and Making Art
not wishing for things to be different.
I didn’t think that I’d be spending this year with such heartache. I imagined it to be so different than what it is. I thought it would be a true sabbatical- a pause from the relentless rhythm of touring, airports, vans, truck stops, loading my guitars night after night onto black stages. Loss changes everything.
I’m loving being home. I live in a converted barn on 22 acres of rolling hills, wildflowers and a river that has been flowing harder than ever with all the spring rain.
I agreed to one tour this year so I’m working on my callouses for this upcoming Madison Violet German. We have 11 shows and I love that it’s 11. Second favourite number.
I am in love with the birds who have been visiting the new feeders I’ve hung. The hummingbirds are back, bluejays are coming in droves for the peanuts, Yellow Warblers, Wrens, red wing black birds, the list goes on. I’ve been reading a lot of poetry lately, Emily Dickinson, David Whyte, Rilke, Fleur Adcock and I find each voice guides me closer to the present, teaching me to dwell in the moment, deeply and deliberately.
I’ve been out riding my Super73 electric dirt bike, cutting new trails with my weed wacker and mower, driving the John Deere around the property and trying not to get stuck in wet soil. I’ve been building garden beds and planting seedlings. I’ve been out to see the 11 new colts everyday this week— I feel so connected to the lifeblood of this place. Yesterday I was out for hours riding around Hockley Valley … the video attached here is a wee glimpse into what I’ve been up to. It’s a stark contrast the life I know on the road but one that I have come to love wholeheartedly. Oh speaking of that word. Something I learned this week. The antidote to exhaustion isn’t necessarily rest. It’s wholeheartedness. The root of feeling drained might not solely be physical fatigue, but could also stem from a lack of engagement or passion in what we’re doing. I’m not sure who said it but it was a lesson that David Whyte shared in the audiobook I just finished, Mid Life and The Great Unknown. ( Yes I think I’m crushing hard on David Whyte)
Mid Life And The Great Unknown
I’d love to hear what you all do to keep yourself centred, things you do with your whole heart. Who knew that mowing the grass for hours on end every week would be so meditative!
Brenley, So good to hear of your healing and finding calm. i love knowing that. Your 22 acres are so lovely to look at and to learn of your love-of-the-land labors is awesome and impressive. my way lately is in reading the complete Norton Anthology of American and British Literature, which I struggled with in school. It's a joy to read all that now. I finally cleared a space in my head and physical environment to partake of that important endeavor. I'm also catching up on learning to play the banjo, a longed-for missing piece, too. Lots of old house maintenance chores to do. Lots of discovery of wonder and beauty still that keeps jadedness at bay. I would love to fix the whole world but learning to find peace in my little world seems like a long-overdue and just-in-time (I'm well passed the Mid-life stage you refer to!) priority, too. i watch too much YouTube because I am fascinated to know music of younger generations, as well. YouTube has great banjo tutorials. That's how I found out that Gordon Lightfoot's daughter, Meredith Moon, as you know, is a wonderful musician and songwriter. Gordon Lightfoot played a full concert at my high school gymnasium outside of Detroit in 1966, which was pretty much the main reason I started playing guitar! It's so cool to be listening to his daughter's music in 2024. BTW, I found out about the very fab Madison Violet through YouTube, thankfully. I appreciate you talking about art (drawing, painting), too, as i was an art studio major in college but got paralyzed doing art since and I really want to get over that. What you say about that really resonates. Thanks so much for the meaningful and community-spirited messages you send out. i'm a big fan of how you use words so it is pleasure to read your writings. Keep on healing, Jessie
Hi Brenley.
I just joined your Chronicles today, February 20,25. In your May 24 writing you were asking about where I go to gather myself and to understand the world around me. My cottage in The Highlands of Haliburton. I literally have been going there all my "live-long" days. I have been singing songs to the loons since I was 15 or so. Always refreshes!. John