Thx M! moral high ground. that’s exactly what i was wondering about. even though my intention was to spark a conversation, do i come off as being holier-than-thou?
I think you’re someone who just knows the power and transformation that community connection and conversation can make. But it’s heartbreaking when there are others who aren’t willing to try. Or - and even harder- when there are others who still, just don’t share the same values, perspective and heart even after conversation. And then an even more nuanced conversation — in a situation like the one in the video— that person is now carrying a narrative about you based on a very small set of information and assumptions he has made about you. So we can’t always control the outcome or story as much as our heart wants to… you know? This is a deep and meaningful I’d love to dig into sometime with you. It’s a subject I think a lot about and haven’t been able to come to any clear conclusions…
Fundamental attribution error. It’s a phrase. I learned in reading this book about five or six years ago called Crucial Conversations. We often make these fundamental attribution errors in situations, for example, someone cuts you off and you call them an asshole— it’s better if we say well that was an asshole move.
Hi Brenley, I tried to write something in response to your writings on empathy. i was thinking about how fear (mongering) can affect brain chemistry and that's why our beliefs are so desperately held onto. But since my mind has been blown to smithereens these politicially horrendous times, i couldn't piece my thoughts together at all. But then, today, I read in the L.A. Times of a book that promises to help elucidate the topic with scholarly back-up. The book is called "The Ideological Brain: the Radical Science of Flexible Thinking" by Leor Zmigrod. It hasn't been released yet (March 25) so it is risky to promote a book without having read it but just reading the reviews is thought-provoking. As are your writings,, too. Empathy changes brain chemistry, too, as you, of course already figured out and know. i am just learning it. Sincerely, Jessie
Thx Jessie! The book does indeed seem quite thought-provoking! I look forward to the release! I hope you are hanging in there despite the political nightmare.
At McGill back in the day, I handed out fliers with zero filter that asked students to boycott the then famous annual “Pimp and Hoes” party. For obvious reasons. My entire peer group from high school attended the event. I was given a lot of side eye. I didn’t care. It made me so mad. Still does. As I’ve gotten older I am still one who speaks out, but I have learned the hard way to try to start with curiousity and compassion, not a moral high ground. Another lesson I’ve learned is one of capacity. There are certain seasons when I have higher capacity for disappointment, conflict and debate and others when I am just hanging on by a thread myself. I’ve learned I don’t always need to be the one that speaks up. And that’s a hard pill to swallow. It feels privileged as a white, cis woman. But it’s my truth and I’m learning to dance with it. I love what you did. I love that you used chatGPT to help with tone (I do that now too!) and I love that you are self-aware enough to do what you think is right while also holding space for the cognitive dissonant idea that it might not be. 🩷
As an individual, what I can do to help in this crazy world is to get educated on the issues, question others in their beliefs, and try to bring a sense of joy into this process. I recently heard you and Lisa sing your hearts out at the Dream Cafe in Penticton. Your words and songs inspire! Keep asking others how they feel and think. Maybe this man will think about what just happened...and maybe he won't. But....we need to keep asking or people might never look at the other side. We can't let things just slide by anymore....hugs to you!!!!! If ever back this way, would love to share a coffee.
I totally agree—we can’t just let things slide. Keeping the conversation going is so important. Really appreciate your support, and when I’m back that way, I’d love to grab a coffee! Take care.
Brenley, as a FORMER Republican voter here in the southern U.S. (Alabama), I have watched friends of 35+ years (I'm 68) go off the deep end on the Trump MAGA bandwagon here. My wife has mostly "unfollowed" life long friends on social media. They don't want to reason or explain, they just want to follow the wanna-be dictator. I applaud the courage it took you to write and deliver that letter and have the unexpected conversation with your neighbor. If people on both sides could approach disagreement as you did, and be able to participate in thoughtful conversation around facts, not just emotions, the world would be a better place. No, I don't think you came of as being "holier-than-thou." I think when a conversation is framed thoughtfully and with true humility, those with only angry emotions seem unable to engage. They would rather "burn the letter," as your neighbor promised. Keep doing what you're doing. On a side note, say it isn't true that Madison Violet is on it's last tour! Can I make it to Canada before I retire and see you live just one time??? Best of luck in all you do!
Thank you Joe. It means a lot to hear from someone who has navigated these shifts firsthand and still holds space for reason and thoughtful conversation. It’s heartbreaking to see longtime friendships strained by this divide, and I completely understand your wife’s choice to step back—it’s hard to engage when there’s no openness on the other. The letter and the conversation with my neighbor- it wasn’t easy, but I believe in the power of real dialogue, even when it doesn’t seem to land in the moment. Maybe these small ripples matter more than we know.
And as for Madison Violet—we’re not done yet! If you ever do make it up to Canada, I would love to see you at a show. Thank you again for your kindness and encouragement. This community means a lot to me.
Thx M! moral high ground. that’s exactly what i was wondering about. even though my intention was to spark a conversation, do i come off as being holier-than-thou?
I think you’re someone who just knows the power and transformation that community connection and conversation can make. But it’s heartbreaking when there are others who aren’t willing to try. Or - and even harder- when there are others who still, just don’t share the same values, perspective and heart even after conversation. And then an even more nuanced conversation — in a situation like the one in the video— that person is now carrying a narrative about you based on a very small set of information and assumptions he has made about you. So we can’t always control the outcome or story as much as our heart wants to… you know? This is a deep and meaningful I’d love to dig into sometime with you. It’s a subject I think a lot about and haven’t been able to come to any clear conclusions…
Fundamental attribution error. It’s a phrase. I learned in reading this book about five or six years ago called Crucial Conversations. We often make these fundamental attribution errors in situations, for example, someone cuts you off and you call them an asshole— it’s better if we say well that was an asshole move.
Hi Brenley, I tried to write something in response to your writings on empathy. i was thinking about how fear (mongering) can affect brain chemistry and that's why our beliefs are so desperately held onto. But since my mind has been blown to smithereens these politicially horrendous times, i couldn't piece my thoughts together at all. But then, today, I read in the L.A. Times of a book that promises to help elucidate the topic with scholarly back-up. The book is called "The Ideological Brain: the Radical Science of Flexible Thinking" by Leor Zmigrod. It hasn't been released yet (March 25) so it is risky to promote a book without having read it but just reading the reviews is thought-provoking. As are your writings,, too. Empathy changes brain chemistry, too, as you, of course already figured out and know. i am just learning it. Sincerely, Jessie
Thx Jessie! The book does indeed seem quite thought-provoking! I look forward to the release! I hope you are hanging in there despite the political nightmare.
At McGill back in the day, I handed out fliers with zero filter that asked students to boycott the then famous annual “Pimp and Hoes” party. For obvious reasons. My entire peer group from high school attended the event. I was given a lot of side eye. I didn’t care. It made me so mad. Still does. As I’ve gotten older I am still one who speaks out, but I have learned the hard way to try to start with curiousity and compassion, not a moral high ground. Another lesson I’ve learned is one of capacity. There are certain seasons when I have higher capacity for disappointment, conflict and debate and others when I am just hanging on by a thread myself. I’ve learned I don’t always need to be the one that speaks up. And that’s a hard pill to swallow. It feels privileged as a white, cis woman. But it’s my truth and I’m learning to dance with it. I love what you did. I love that you used chatGPT to help with tone (I do that now too!) and I love that you are self-aware enough to do what you think is right while also holding space for the cognitive dissonant idea that it might not be. 🩷
Have you road by lately to see who he hates now?
Oh, and when you visit, you will get treated to a lot of table tennis......things to make you smile!
As an individual, what I can do to help in this crazy world is to get educated on the issues, question others in their beliefs, and try to bring a sense of joy into this process. I recently heard you and Lisa sing your hearts out at the Dream Cafe in Penticton. Your words and songs inspire! Keep asking others how they feel and think. Maybe this man will think about what just happened...and maybe he won't. But....we need to keep asking or people might never look at the other side. We can't let things just slide by anymore....hugs to you!!!!! If ever back this way, would love to share a coffee.
I totally agree—we can’t just let things slide. Keeping the conversation going is so important. Really appreciate your support, and when I’m back that way, I’d love to grab a coffee! Take care.
Brenley, as a FORMER Republican voter here in the southern U.S. (Alabama), I have watched friends of 35+ years (I'm 68) go off the deep end on the Trump MAGA bandwagon here. My wife has mostly "unfollowed" life long friends on social media. They don't want to reason or explain, they just want to follow the wanna-be dictator. I applaud the courage it took you to write and deliver that letter and have the unexpected conversation with your neighbor. If people on both sides could approach disagreement as you did, and be able to participate in thoughtful conversation around facts, not just emotions, the world would be a better place. No, I don't think you came of as being "holier-than-thou." I think when a conversation is framed thoughtfully and with true humility, those with only angry emotions seem unable to engage. They would rather "burn the letter," as your neighbor promised. Keep doing what you're doing. On a side note, say it isn't true that Madison Violet is on it's last tour! Can I make it to Canada before I retire and see you live just one time??? Best of luck in all you do!
Thank you Joe. It means a lot to hear from someone who has navigated these shifts firsthand and still holds space for reason and thoughtful conversation. It’s heartbreaking to see longtime friendships strained by this divide, and I completely understand your wife’s choice to step back—it’s hard to engage when there’s no openness on the other. The letter and the conversation with my neighbor- it wasn’t easy, but I believe in the power of real dialogue, even when it doesn’t seem to land in the moment. Maybe these small ripples matter more than we know.
And as for Madison Violet—we’re not done yet! If you ever do make it up to Canada, I would love to see you at a show. Thank you again for your kindness and encouragement. This community means a lot to me.